acidic symphonies
by billiespiper
Summary: beauty queen of only eighteen ;; non-linear ;; tina/mike


**bro-ken.** Adjective. /ˈbrōkən/

reduced to fragments

rejected, defeated or despairing

;;

_look for the girl with the broken smile-_

;;

The first time they kiss, it's with fervor and excitement and _god what took you so long?_. Despite the clicks of camera phones, he winds his arms around the small of her back, pushing her flush up against him. He can feel her smile as their lips grope wildly for some kind of satisfaction. It's much delayed, and now everything he's felt all summer is streaming out of him quickly. Except he speaks only by dancing his fingers up and across the back of her camp-regulated hoodie. Mike can feel her fingers threading through his hair, curling into a fist and pulling lightly. It's only when the director of camp comes in to check on the musical theatre lesson that they break apart. Both of their faces are flushed, and they're panting heavy. Tina's lips have already swelled slightly, and Mike's zip-up sweater falls to the crook of his elbows, exposing his entire frontside.

They both know their in deep shit, but the look on the director's face, combined with the look on each other's makes them break out into laughter. He laughs until his stomach hurts, his hand is still curved around her waist. He thinks of how it looks- camp kids clicking away at mobile phones, a beet-red head-of-camp and two very happy teenagers falling over twisted limbs.

This is enough to start a fresh round of chuckles, and just the sight of his lips carved up towards his cheekbones has Tina joining with him. They just laugh and laugh and laugh until the director clears her throat. The contours of her face are hard, eyes beady and small and altogether unapproachable. With her hands situated on her hips and fingers digging into them so tight the edges turn red, she's a picture of anger.

It's then that they realize, they are in so much fucking trouble.

;;

The last time they kiss isn't happy at all. Tina comes over to his house with stringy hair and heavy bags under her eyes. Her lips are chapped and the rims of her lashes are dewey with tears. When he rushes to her, fingers fluttering lightly around her jawline, she swats him away. Then, she closes her eyes and attempts to swallow the big dry lump nestled in her throat. After a few moments of silence, he reaches out to lace his fingers through hers, delighted when she doesn't jump away.

"What's the matter, baby?" His voice is soft, but it vibrates through the empty foyer. She blinks her eyes open and tilts her head up to stare at him. There's more quiet and _god,_ it cuts him so deep. Then, she opens her mouth, lips falling apart and eyebrows knitted together. She appears to change her mind and closes it, before quickly reopening it.

Tina snakes one arm around his waist, the other draped around his kneck and pulls him down to meet her.

"Nothing." Her breath is hot against his ear, but it still sends chills down his core. "Kiss me."

He wants to stop her and take her into his arms, murmuring gentle comforts until she caves and tells him what the fuck happened, but then her lips are on his, her vicious red lips, and that's all he can care about. The fervor is there again, but he can taste salty tears between kisses. When he pulls back lightly, she grips the back of his neck before he can comment on them.

When her tongue traces the frame of his lips jerkily, his memory seems to be wiped, and it's just _TinaTinaTina _with her tantalizingly slow fingers creeping across the waistband of his jeans.

He silently thanks the heavens that his parents are out of town visiting friends in _ and he has the house all to himself.

Mike allows Tina to grab him by his hips and pull him up the staircase, stumbling blindly to his room.

They fall back on the bed and half of their clothing is already off, leaving a trail down his hallway. He wastes no time in discarding the rest of it.

She tosses her head back when they're joined, unwashed curls fringing over her shoulders and littering themselves across her collarbone. Her long, long nails make scratch marks on his back, but he could find himself caring less.

Later, when she's curled into his side, tears drying on her cheeks and lips pursed thoughtfully in sleep, he leans down to kiss her forehead, lingering there softly.

(_so really, that was their last kiss_.)

His alarm clock beeps at six forty five and he moans, cursing himself for forgetting to turn it off for the weekend. He finds one of his school notebooks next to him instead of Tina's warm body. It's flipped open to a random section, and her nearly illegible scrawl fills two pages.

" **I love you, Mike Chang **"

He smiles and drops his head back to the pillows, closing his eyes for another hour or two of sleep. He'll call her when he wakes up, ask her to a movie or maybe to Breadstix. God knows they haven't had a proper date in such a long time. His lips drift upwards as his eyes close, and then he's asleep again.

They clock her death at exactly six forty seven.

;;

He supposes his first sign should have been the haughty way she would regard her eating habits. When there was only a granola bar or piece of fruit on her tray at lunch, he'd frown at her and nudge her gently with his knee.

"Why are you eating so little?"

If there happened to be a smile on her face, it would drop instantly. Silent for a moment, she'd regard the food on the table, as if searching for an answer within herself, then she'd glare up at him.

"You mean because I usually eat like a pig? _Thanks, _Mike_._"

He'd quickly backpedal, assuring her that she did not, in fact, eat like a pig. He'd ramble like he usually did when nervous, and Tina would attempt to hide the tiny sliver of a coy grin on her face because- well, that line worked every time.

;;

On the days when a full lunch sat before her on the cafeteria table, she would eat sparingly, picking at the edges of her food with her fork. Her eyes chased the Cheerio girls, slim thighs, devil red uniforms, ponytails and all. She'd watch in envy, and in exasperation, because no matter how many 11:11s came around, Tina would never match up to those vivacious, bright eyed girls. She would always be Tina Cohen-Chang (sometimes Tina Cohen-Loser), the girl who faked a stutter.

When Mike came to sit next to her, she would already have expertly thrown away just enough to make it look like she'd actually eaten the food. He would grin at her and slide an arm around her (chunky, fat, chubby) body. They'd talk quietly, normally. It would all be fine and perfect.

And Tina would _definitely_ ignore those angry grumblings in her stomach.

;;

He never understood the way Tina looked at herself. It was as if she was staring into a carnival mirror, one of those fun-house ones, that distorted the view and bent her curves all out of shape. When he looks at her, all he sees is undeniable beauty. He used to see a glowing face and eyes with lights ablaze in them, and that was beautiful. But even as her skin turns waxy and her eyes look dead, the only thing he can see is perfection. So, naturally, it worries him the way her face turns sour when he compliments her. She accepts them graciously- she always had - but now her lips twist and her eyes squint, like she can't figure out why he's being such a _jerk_. Like this is a cruel joke that everyone has taken a part of. Like every time someone tells her she's pretty, they're plotting her downfall.

As if Tina needed any help with that.

She was already skinny to begin with- Mike could see no fat blanketing her bones. But as the day of her death grew nearer, her face grew sharper, cheekbones hollowing out and the bones in her shoulder poking through the skin in a way that makes him cringe.

Still, no matter how many times he would ask her what the matter was, ask her why she wasn't eating, she wouldn't relent. She would just turn on that cold layer of film and close herself off to him, and the world.

;;

The one and only time she reconsidered killing herself was a night two weeks before her demise.

Mike was over at her house, in her bedroom - and you know what that leads to. In the aftermath, euphoria in their veins and sweat prickling their skin, his fingers jumped across the planes of her stomach. As they trace downwards, towards the sharp hipbones extracting from her skin, he buries his face in her shoulder. Before he can stop himself, he's crying into her hair, onto her bedsheets.

Mike Chang, whom Tina had never once seen even get teary-eyed was sobbing against her body. Everything inside her exploded, and a heavy feeling settled in her stomach. She quickly flipped over to face him, fingers immediately finding his cheeks. She uses the pad of her thumb to wipe away the tears pooling under his eyes. He bit his lip hard to try and stop the stream of sobs, but they still came, one after the other. Tina guided his head to her chest, nestling him in with what could only be described as maternal warmth.

When she whispers to him softly, he squeezes his eyes tight against the valley of skin on her chest.

He doesn't stop crying until his body is dry, and all he can emit are half-assed dry sobs.

;;

After school one day, on a good day where she had eaten a full sandwich and a bag of chips, she brings him to a lake off the side of a highway. It's the oddest location possible, and she grins in delight when he tells her this.

"I know." She motions for him to pull off and drive over the dry yellow grass. When he cuts the ignition, she nearly throws the door open, walking lithely to the little lake.

"It's manmade." Tina tell him when he's finally caught up with her. "Well, obviously. But the Lima Chamber of Commerce wanted a scenic lake here, something for people to remember Lima by. You know, just to make a nice impression on tourists and possible perspective homeowners. So they got a bulldozer, tore up the dirt over here and filled it with water. Pretty soon though, they got tired of having to fill it up every time the water began to evaporate, so they developed an irrigation system. Somewhere up there-" She motioned to the tiny hill that rolled against the landscape. "There's a river or something bringing freshwater down to this lake. Isn't that funny?"

He looks at her curiously, amused by the fact that she knows this.

Tina catches his stare and grins.

"Town records at the library." She states simply, by way of explanation.

"Ah." He looks at the water that ripples in from a tiny little stream traveling through the slope of the hill. She motions for him to sit with her on a medium sized, but still movable, rock. He lifts her up, and instead places her on his lap, burying her head into the crook of her shoulder and lining kisses along the skin exposed by her (for once) off the shoulder shirt. Tina places her hands on top of Mike's, and brings them around to settle against her stomach. He smiles into her pale, bare skin.

"I really love it here." She tells him, a small wistfulness in her voice. He tightens his arm around her waist.

"I'm glad you brought me. I feel honored."

Mike can sense her smile, despite her having her back to him.

;;

He arrives at the hospital at seven, having cut the 30 minute drive by 20 minutes by driving at least twenty miles over the speed limit. Yes, he arrives in under ten minutes, but the sheet has already been drawn up and over her blue, frigid skin. They've already recorded time of death as 6:47 a.m., and her parents are already silently sobbing into one another's shoulders.

Mike feels like this is the point where he wakes up to find she's still next to him, soft body emanating a warmth only achieved by cuddling.

Instead, the sterile white walls and the _squeak squeak_ of white nurse shoes intensifies, until everything is so bright and so loud that he can't even open his eyes.

When someone taps him on his shoulder, he looks up quietly, tears pricking the inner corners of his eyes.

"You okay, boy?" The doctor, with soft wrinkles and salt and pepper hair has concern freckled across his face. Mike doesn't respond, doesn't give any sign of movement until-

"Just tell me how it happened."

"Pardon?"

Mike clenches his fists and grits his teeth together quietly. He exhales slowly, unsteadily.

"Tina Cohen-Chang. Tell me how… tell me what happened."

The doctor rests a large warm hand over Mike's shoulder.

"Are you sure? It may not be the best-"

"_Please_."

He relents, flipping open his patient file. His eyes are heavy and downcast, chest constricted. It's like this every time he looses a patient. The weight and the undeniable clench of his muscles. Often, he considers switching professions.

"It was a suicide. She… she tied something heavy, presumably a rock, but our forensics team are still trying to work out the details, to her leg and rolled it into the lake off of Bedford Highway- Route 41, you know?"

Mike digs his teeth into his lip, piercing the soft skin.

"I know it." His voice is so quiet, if not for the proximity between him and the doctor he would not have been able to hear him.

"It says…." The doctor trails off, unsure of his words. However, the look the young boy sends him is enough to continue on. "The rock snapped her leg before bringing her to the bottom. She died within minutes. I'm so, so sorry. We have a grief counselor on Floor 4, I recommend-"

Mike just shakes his head once, before darting out beneath the meaty hand on his shoulder and through the front doors of the hospital.

The streets are quiet. His vision swims. Everything is silent. Well, not everything. There's a rhythmic thud in his ears, booming loudly. The colors are saturated in bright yellows, vignetted at the edges. A chill sweeps through his body.

Mike steps into the street. He can faintly hear the roar of a horn amidst the rush of blood in his ears and the pulsing in his temples. He closes his eyes and

_and she will be loved-_

;;

**a/n:: lmao what was this ending i don't even. so bear in mind i wrote this in about three to four hours lateish at night. :)**

**first glee ff whaddapp? **

**i absolutely love love love glee, but my favorite part would have to be the resident asians. 33 MY BBS.**

**anyway. uhh i'm gonna shamelessly promote my tumblr now kthankyou. :DDD**

**freya-mavor . tumblr . com ! yay!**

**i hope you enjoyed, or not, whichever! g'nite!**


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